BI-OTCH

Since when did life not revolve around money? Money can't buy happiness, but seriously really?
Rich people may not be happy but you also don't see hobos skipping around in glee. So why does everything have to do with money? And how much is enough and how much is not enough?
Why must I grow up and start to realize the cruelty of reality? Money is the cruelest of all reality, realizing the that one thing you lack to achieve your dream the most hateful of all, money. And so now, who is all this to blame? My parents who raised me up until now? My grandparents? No one really yet everyone. Or is life to blame? or reality? or me?
Am I asking for too much? I am, right? Never thinking of others but of myself and my own wants. I am one selfish bi-otch, right? Tell me I am so at least there is someone to blame. Tell me I am the problem so I will feel guilty enough to become selfless, to stop thinking
all
about
my
needs,
wants.
Maybe I should have worked harder if I would have known it would come down to this. Maybe it wouldn't be about money. Maybe money wouldn't even matter!Maybe...
And so I go this Friday. To see that beautiful city I've always wanted to live in. And I will come home and choose whether I will be selfish or selfless. I'm so close yet so far. So happy yet so sad.
Money, I hate you.

Boston or New York

Boston College!! woot woot!=D

HB

new list of artist(s) coming out tonight 9PM! hope it's good





just checked....
yes yes yes! SS501 ALL FIVE OF THEM!!<33333
HYUNJOONG!!!!AHHHHHHH! I CAN FINALLY SEE HIM!TEHEHHE=D

F

so this is life.all the waiting and empty hopes.reality.reality is so hard.i wish i could not worry.know an answer to this ongoing question.in my next life I want to be a rich plutocrat bitch.

and you know what irvine.eff you.you wait until the last very minute to send rejections.wtf. you could have told me effing2 weeks ago.wtf is wrong with you.and im effing happy i didnt get in because you are effing retarded.eff you.

Why?

why is math hw so hard?
this week sucks!

Blogger

I am a blogger
I track my life with words

words tell me how i feel
words tell me who i am
words define me

I am a blogger

I am finally able to go see that city i want to live in:
New York.
the city of yellow cabs and billions of people

just two more weeks and I am there
just two more weeks...
so happy right now!:)

admissions

Today LA results came out...
everyone is stressing.
at first it was alright but now its more stressful then fun.

hope everything goes alright~

March

Today is March 17, 2009
St. Patrick's day and I forgot to wear green, but only got pinched twice!:)

I finally am assured about NYU
and now I am ecstatic!!
Saturday, found out about UCSD but on Monday, after I got over it
I found out I got into NYU, my #1 school!!:D
I am one happy person!!

the weird thing is, I dreamt about the exact thing few weeks ago
I dreamt that I got into NYU because of an invitation!
weird~
the only difference was that I was the one opening it and I was at home
and, then, i thought i was for sure rejected.
thank goodness~~

taking vania's quote "things happen for a reason".
SO COMPLETELY TRUE!!:D

tomorrow is choir festival!! first solo ever, i hope i dont lose my voice between now and tomorrow and dont crack and dont forget to come in and...
wish me luck people!!:)

The day after

i think it hit me ten minutes after i found out
and today i still checked but what i saw was what i saw.
reality check. i should have worked harder and not slacked off too much
i think this kind of predicts where i will be
but i hope miracles occur
i dont care, i just want to go to college.

yesterday was fun fun fun except that
especially the early morning girl talks
and then waking up, eating brunch, huddling under blankets watching a sad movie
now i am back home
and my house smells funny, not good funny
grrrr..

tomorrow school!!no~~~~
come spring break !!!vacation?relax??
I want to just get applications over with.aish stupid UCs giving them so slow and making people so angry and anxious..grrrr..>.<

the point it I am tired..haha

Friday the 13th

as of right now
sadies is going on
and it's my senior year
i'm home, lame huh?

well ...oh well
i will regret but who cares
although i wish i had asked someone
ha ha

sleepover tomorrow!
super excited
and then sauna? maybe yahoo!!!


solo
hoping
maybe
possibly
others
good
me
okay
hope
know
now!

Sleep sleep sleep sleepover

Finally at least one things been going right

college admissions=not received
feelings=anxious
i have a bad feeling about admission decisions...
i hope i go to college

tomorrow TGI Friday
been a long week
two more to go
i like my job

but still
college admissions
HELP

How strong the voice

A girl can cry with all her strength
she doesn't try to stop
there's no use

an endless river of salt water flow from her eyes
running along the features
down onto the soft white pillow
drop by drop
soon becoming streams
until the white is transparent

tears of anger
tears of loneliness
tears of sadness
tears of happiness
tears of helplessness
tears of forgiveness
tears of weakness
tears of strength
tears of fear
tears of nervousness
tears for everything and tears for nothing

still there is no end

The world and I

I am calm
I am content
I am at peace

but the world around me is not

People around me feel helpless
and so I feel helpless
for I can't seem to see the trouble they're in

All I can do is give support and love
because I love them very much.

Old people

Today I laid in my grandma's lap.
I was scared but warm at the same time.

Somehow, I feel scared now,
scared to grow up
scared to stand up
scared to look up and see what i want not there.
when i grow up those i love will be gone
and i am scared.
I'd love to grow up faster but not now, not when I realize that they might be there.

I realized the way i live is to hurt those i love the most so i don't feel the hurt.
but i want to love them and show them that love
but it's too hard
but i can't
but i'm afraid
but there are too many buts

I am afraid that one day I will have to face the day without them
I don't want to face the day that they leave
that they are gone forever and will never come back
i want to take them out
treat them to a nice dinner
take them to interesting places
All I want to do is love them more than ever
squeeze them in big bear hugs
smother their cheeks with kisses
hold their soft weathered hands
and love them with all i have

I can feel the time get shorter and I am scared
People say you can almost predict a death, a bad omen
so why do i feel this way in such a warm lap?

And all this lying in my grandma's lap.

Grandma I love you. Please don't suddenly leave. I will miss you too much.