some stuff to say to you

If I were to say things were great absolute wonderful
you would believe me

Lies are inevitable
it's to make yourself and others feel better
white lies, black lies, small lies, big lies, dark lies, bright lies
Lies
what if lies were lies themselves..
the world is all a lie, you believe what you believe
you see what you want to see
you hear what you want to hear
you don't tolerate others because you are all that matters

what about those who are selfless?
you always hear about those who die die early
they are what we call angels, only appearing for a short time
so for those living for over 100 years, what are they
they must not be angels then, since angels only come for a short time
angels are blessings so are we not?

so you realize too late
and want to change but it's too late to go back
and to when do you go back?
to when you made that one mistake or the other or the other or....
maybe back to a fetus maybe back to only 1 day old
but even then it might be too late
so you live for this long and to find that you're not an angel
so what are you?
an invisible man, i think
like what thoreau said.
something about being an eyeball and what not
you say wait, i'm not invisible, this is nothing
it will get better
but time passes and you still wait, you wait
the more you wait the more you realize the mistakes you make
the more you notice the bad in life
and when you finally realize you are invisible, like I said, it's too late
but you will always have that small hope in you
hoping that someone will be your angel
your hero
your superman
or simply just your's
because you know what?
the world is just cruel period

H&M

I need to shop

just stuff

I hate it when I'm asked of what I want because you know very well what I want
I'm only saying what you want to hear and what I should be saying
You know so well where I want to be and what I would choose
but you you still ask
giving me a slap on the face
I hate it when you ask...

jerks, all guys are jerks

poor "mommy", something happened out of the blues
totally random yet so funny
^O^

I realized how easy it is to say one thing but to do another
I felt that I was sure
like OK I will do this, I can wait
and then I am faced to write down the name, check the decline/withdrawal box
and then I'm not so sure anymore

I hope with the slightest chance that I will somehow win the lottery within a week and a half
I procrastinate hoping that maybe I will get a miracle, I just don't want to regret checking the box and then finding out something else
Progress though, I wrote down UCR and checked the withdrawal box for BC...
it doesn't feel great though, even if I wasn't really going to go
It feels like I am just one step farther from my dream, one step farther and farther
and soon I won't even be there anymore
wait 7 more days, all will be over right?
reality hits, dreams crushed, miracles....not happening, right?

senior-------------itis

Grrrrrrrr..... >.<
I don't want to do homework anymore
I don't want to take AP tests anymore
I don't want to go to school anymore
I want to graduate and go on vacation, NOW!!


yah! STAR testing next week which means I get to sleep in!! oh and Happy early Birthday Steph!! (if you read this) wow!! old grandma now huh? 18!! go buy yourself a pack of cigs and a lottery ticket! jkjk love ya lots<3

LA to LA

So Friday at 5 PM, I arrive at the LAX. Check-in went fine. Through the metal detector, fine. To the waiting section, fine. Ready to board, not fine. Turns out we didn't have seats.FML and so the plane left without us. -____-
Then the Delta person tried to find us a ride to leave that night and 3 hours passed and NOTHING!! But it turned out to be ok because the compensated us with cash, hotel, and meal vouchers and nonstop trips. So we were on the plane for the next morning at 7:15. So we went to Westin Hotel next to LAX which was pretty nice. They have a nice fitness room with a steam room!!:D

The next morning I woke up at 5AM to get ont he shuttle to LAX and when we got there we bought a whole bunch of food with the meal vouchers so we don't waste the money.haha And then we went to the waiting area and found out the plane was delayed until 8:55AM -_____-
We waited until then and then went on the plane. Well, guess what, Bob visited the day before and so I ate some tylenol before I went on the plane. On the plane, I watched 3 episodes of House, hahaha, and then some of Yes, Man. Finally abotu 40minutes before we were to land, I got Super Cramps. Turbulence was horrible. So I got sick. FML

Got to Newark finally. Still felt kind of sick and fatigued. Went on the car and fell asleep, when I woke up we were next to Hudson River looking at New York. My beautiful New York City. Then we went to a Japanese market. Mitsuwa? Inside was so pretty!!<3 yup that was all basically. So far the trip would be terrible except that now I'm here, I could care less what happened.

lost children

When a little girl is lost in a super market, she runs up to the service counter and asks the nice lady where her mom is.
The nice lady answers sweetly,"I don't know. Where did you last see her?"
The little girl shrugs, tears ready to drop.
The nice lady proceed to announce into the P.A. system of a lost girl waiting for her family at the service counter.
The mom comes running, with a mixed expression of worry and relief, takes the girl in a bear hug and tells her "Mommy's here."
In the end, the mom gets her groceries, the daughter gets her lollipop and they both have each other.























But what happens when there is no nice lady, no P.A system, and no lollipop?

BI-OTCH

Since when did life not revolve around money? Money can't buy happiness, but seriously really?
Rich people may not be happy but you also don't see hobos skipping around in glee. So why does everything have to do with money? And how much is enough and how much is not enough?
Why must I grow up and start to realize the cruelty of reality? Money is the cruelest of all reality, realizing the that one thing you lack to achieve your dream the most hateful of all, money. And so now, who is all this to blame? My parents who raised me up until now? My grandparents? No one really yet everyone. Or is life to blame? or reality? or me?
Am I asking for too much? I am, right? Never thinking of others but of myself and my own wants. I am one selfish bi-otch, right? Tell me I am so at least there is someone to blame. Tell me I am the problem so I will feel guilty enough to become selfless, to stop thinking
all
about
my
needs,
wants.
Maybe I should have worked harder if I would have known it would come down to this. Maybe it wouldn't be about money. Maybe money wouldn't even matter!Maybe...
And so I go this Friday. To see that beautiful city I've always wanted to live in. And I will come home and choose whether I will be selfish or selfless. I'm so close yet so far. So happy yet so sad.
Money, I hate you.

Boston or New York

Boston College!! woot woot!=D

HB

new list of artist(s) coming out tonight 9PM! hope it's good





just checked....
yes yes yes! SS501 ALL FIVE OF THEM!!<33333
HYUNJOONG!!!!AHHHHHHH! I CAN FINALLY SEE HIM!TEHEHHE=D

F

so this is life.all the waiting and empty hopes.reality.reality is so hard.i wish i could not worry.know an answer to this ongoing question.in my next life I want to be a rich plutocrat bitch.

and you know what irvine.eff you.you wait until the last very minute to send rejections.wtf. you could have told me effing2 weeks ago.wtf is wrong with you.and im effing happy i didnt get in because you are effing retarded.eff you.

Why?

why is math hw so hard?
this week sucks!

Blogger

I am a blogger
I track my life with words

words tell me how i feel
words tell me who i am
words define me

I am a blogger

I am finally able to go see that city i want to live in:
New York.
the city of yellow cabs and billions of people

just two more weeks and I am there
just two more weeks...
so happy right now!:)

admissions

Today LA results came out...
everyone is stressing.
at first it was alright but now its more stressful then fun.

hope everything goes alright~

March

Today is March 17, 2009
St. Patrick's day and I forgot to wear green, but only got pinched twice!:)

I finally am assured about NYU
and now I am ecstatic!!
Saturday, found out about UCSD but on Monday, after I got over it
I found out I got into NYU, my #1 school!!:D
I am one happy person!!

the weird thing is, I dreamt about the exact thing few weeks ago
I dreamt that I got into NYU because of an invitation!
weird~
the only difference was that I was the one opening it and I was at home
and, then, i thought i was for sure rejected.
thank goodness~~

taking vania's quote "things happen for a reason".
SO COMPLETELY TRUE!!:D

tomorrow is choir festival!! first solo ever, i hope i dont lose my voice between now and tomorrow and dont crack and dont forget to come in and...
wish me luck people!!:)

The day after

i think it hit me ten minutes after i found out
and today i still checked but what i saw was what i saw.
reality check. i should have worked harder and not slacked off too much
i think this kind of predicts where i will be
but i hope miracles occur
i dont care, i just want to go to college.

yesterday was fun fun fun except that
especially the early morning girl talks
and then waking up, eating brunch, huddling under blankets watching a sad movie
now i am back home
and my house smells funny, not good funny
grrrr..

tomorrow school!!no~~~~
come spring break !!!vacation?relax??
I want to just get applications over with.aish stupid UCs giving them so slow and making people so angry and anxious..grrrr..>.<

the point it I am tired..haha

Friday the 13th

as of right now
sadies is going on
and it's my senior year
i'm home, lame huh?

well ...oh well
i will regret but who cares
although i wish i had asked someone
ha ha

sleepover tomorrow!
super excited
and then sauna? maybe yahoo!!!


solo
hoping
maybe
possibly
others
good
me
okay
hope
know
now!

Sleep sleep sleep sleepover

Finally at least one things been going right

college admissions=not received
feelings=anxious
i have a bad feeling about admission decisions...
i hope i go to college

tomorrow TGI Friday
been a long week
two more to go
i like my job

but still
college admissions
HELP

How strong the voice

A girl can cry with all her strength
she doesn't try to stop
there's no use

an endless river of salt water flow from her eyes
running along the features
down onto the soft white pillow
drop by drop
soon becoming streams
until the white is transparent

tears of anger
tears of loneliness
tears of sadness
tears of happiness
tears of helplessness
tears of forgiveness
tears of weakness
tears of strength
tears of fear
tears of nervousness
tears for everything and tears for nothing

still there is no end

The world and I

I am calm
I am content
I am at peace

but the world around me is not

People around me feel helpless
and so I feel helpless
for I can't seem to see the trouble they're in

All I can do is give support and love
because I love them very much.

Old people

Today I laid in my grandma's lap.
I was scared but warm at the same time.

Somehow, I feel scared now,
scared to grow up
scared to stand up
scared to look up and see what i want not there.
when i grow up those i love will be gone
and i am scared.
I'd love to grow up faster but not now, not when I realize that they might be there.

I realized the way i live is to hurt those i love the most so i don't feel the hurt.
but i want to love them and show them that love
but it's too hard
but i can't
but i'm afraid
but there are too many buts

I am afraid that one day I will have to face the day without them
I don't want to face the day that they leave
that they are gone forever and will never come back
i want to take them out
treat them to a nice dinner
take them to interesting places
All I want to do is love them more than ever
squeeze them in big bear hugs
smother their cheeks with kisses
hold their soft weathered hands
and love them with all i have

I can feel the time get shorter and I am scared
People say you can almost predict a death, a bad omen
so why do i feel this way in such a warm lap?

And all this lying in my grandma's lap.

Grandma I love you. Please don't suddenly leave. I will miss you too much.

The New One

First post ever in my Blogspot history!!!:)

Since Christine got one and Steph did too? I got one also because I love blogging!!and I want to talk to Christin...haha
Now I have three blogs = =

So first blog for me will have to be a pic spam of F4..lol